I don’t know about you, but when I see a DVD with the title Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus on sale for three quid at Fopp, I’d be letting everyone down if I didn’t buy it. Witnessing this DVD for the first time was something of a religious epiphany. It was like that scene from West Side Story when Tony and Maria meet for the first time and the world around them fades into the background, as the meaning and significance of life is suddenly revealed in its full, divine glory.
You know what you’re getting with a title like that. You’re going to get a fucking massive shark do battle with a fucking massive octopus.
Everything is laughable nonsense, obviously, and the first half hour provides gobsmackingly goodbad scenes, like this bonkers snippet. The Youtube uploader titled it ‘the greatest movie scene ever’, and I’m inclined to agree.
Sadly, it doesn’t quite live up the extraordinary superlative-laden premise. A foible dogging many a B-movie before it, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus starts to take itself far too seriously towards the closing act, as improbably-named director Ace Hannah mistakenly believes he ought to shoehorn some half-baked plot points about the environment into his joke of a script, when really all we want to see is some rubbish CGI and bad acting. It’s like the director of Mutant Laser Hedgehog vs Ill-Tempered Robot Giraffe claiming that the mutant laser hedgehog is a metaphor for the struggle of the Sudanese people, or something.
As a result, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus goes from being so-bad-it’s-good to so-bad-it’s-bad. A real shame. Still, I remain hopeful for the actual sequel, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus.